Sometimes, dating can be a tedious task. Hearing about your friends with their succesful relationships and trying to find someone for yourself can be harder than people think. Challenging Tinder conversations that don’t result in anything, blind dates, ghosting; there are many ways to feel discouraged. Instead of focusing on the downfalls of dating, let us have a look at improving the odds. How will you be catching all those fish in the sea? Time to take the fish in the sea metaphor to a new level.
Assume you are going fishing.
Where are you going to go fishing?
If you can’t really be bothered the trip and have a small pond outside your place, you will have to realize that the small pond will not have a vast amount of choice. If you manage to catch one fish and don’t like the way it looks, you have a remaining choice of a few fish. In this case, you will probably end up settling for a fish you wouldn’t have accepted if you had more choice. And no, that didn’t happen because you aren’t sexy/attractive/awesome enough. It is because you are fishing in that little pond near your own place and couldn’t be bothered to take a proper look around.
Lesson 1: Spread your chances
If you are single but refuse to mingle, chances are you won’t end up with many eligible bachelors. You’ll often hear the whole get out there speech and then see people leaving their house to hang out with only people within their own circle. Then you are leaving your entire interactions to chance. Yes, at times men will approach you and you will end up happily married (at least for a while) but then you are still limiting yourself to some eager fish that jump out of the water. Have a look at the different nearby ponds and try to open yourself to the possibility of a “what if”. Have casual conversations with everyone and see how it feels. That is the act of fishing for the sake of fishing. If you happen to catch a catch, you keep the catch. Enjoy the activity.
So you’ve started fishing and you realized the pond wasn’t working for you (lack of choice) so you head to a nearby river. There are definitely more fish here and even some other ladies out fishing. You begin to feel a little lost and low on choice. So you put the bait on your hook and begin moving about insistently to get the better catch than the other ladies. No fish budges. You feel nibbles but they tend to scare off. Why?
Lesson 2: Those too eager do not look natural
Usually a worm does not act as though it is having a seizure. It looks quite different from swimming and fish won’t like the look of it. Initially it looked like a tasty treat, after all it is something to enjoy, although after approaching the bait they saw that it seemed TOO keen to be eaten.
You don’t want to be too keen and interested because you should have other things to do. As you should ~ your life doesn’t revolve around fishing! There is still hobbies, friends, family and your “me time”. Don’t try fishing too hard, you have other things and standards to uphold. That said, you should have high standards but also realize that you need to have a filter where you put as many “fish” in and finally find the great catch.
Lesson 3: High standards are good but you need to filter a larger audience
No longer are you limiting yourself to the pond and have found the river and nearby ponds. You are meeting new people and men whilst enjoying it without attaching too much expectations on the fish to solve everything in your life. Now you need to know what you want and make sure you get it. The more fish you hook, the more you can observe and decide whether you throw it back or keep it. After all, if it is a really good catch, you will only need that catch to keep you satisfied.
Until you know that (and that usually is not immediately), just keep an open mind and allow people the opportunity to prove their value to you. Be picky but let them prove themselves through your actions. Just like you prove your worth.
Lesson 4: Become a high-value woman
After a suggestion from a friend, I have recently read a book called “Get the Guy” by Matthew Hussey. It was definitely an entertaining read and brings to light how to become a high-value woman.
There are two essential steps to take.
Step 1 – The ultimate formula for attraction
Visual chemistry – There is a huge difference between objective beauty and perceived beauty. Perceived beauty occurs when someone becomes attractive through behaviour. This includes how charismatic you are, how you carry yourself, ability to exude confidence and playful energy & comfort in creating sexual tension.
Perceived challenge – High standards are attractive because they create aspiration. Don’t make sexuality your only power. Don’t give too much credit and don’t give too little credit. Show suitable interest.
Perceived Value – High-value woman demonstrates to a man that being with her is going to give him experiences that he wouldn’t have otherwise. She has a passionate life he wants to be part of. Things he aspires to.
Connection – It is what makes someone realize they can be together for hours on end. Connection requires us to be interested in someone’s life, values and standards.
Step 2 – Qualities of a high-value woman
He is looking for a unique pairing of personality traits and he gets nervous because he won’t know when he will meet someone like you again.
Self-confidence. Certainty is the primary attribute of a high-value woman. Confident of her worth, her abilities, her appeal & what she deserves.
Independence. Before you get the guy you’ve got to get a life. The high-value woman is engaged in meaningful activities that make her passionate every day. She has a job she loves and fills leisure time with creative & emotionally appealing activities.
Integrity. A woman with integrity sticks to her principles. Have own standards.
Femininity. Don’t stop being a girl, let him provide & feel needed. Let him come to your rescue & let him feel useful. It’s not about you and your power, it’s about him and his insecurity.
If you enjoyed this article, be sure to have a look at the “Get the Guy” book by Matthew Hussey, it shares interesting information on, well… how to get the guy!
September 28, 2013 — 12:50 pm
I love dis!! Matthew Hussey is genius. thank you for the article. I’ma quite insecure lady and love dis kind of advice for meeting da man of my dreams
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