Ladies, please pay attention to this part because majority of ladies have issues with this idea. Imagine, you are fresh new in a relationship, just gotten past the extreme honeymoon phase to the sweet enjoyment phase. You feel as though you could spend every waking moment with the man, your very heart beats for him and only him. Suddenly he becomes a bit more distant and says he needs some “space”.

Space has become a very vague term for what someone needs when they have a “Woah – this is hefty” moment. Generally, “space” is one of the following things.

  1. I need breathing space – Just me, myself, and I (Man/guy/boy literally just needs some time for himself from everyone)
  2. I need breathing space – Hanging out with the guys (Needs some quality time with the guys to feel more manly and be around a different social situation)
  3. I need breathing space – Space from the relationship (Often means the relationship feels like it is going at a 100km/hour when he just got the guts to start jogging)
  4. I need breathing space- Space to date other women (Red flag – dump this man, he’s gone rotten. Next!)

Just remember ladies, no matter what you used to think, space is often good, especially in the first two situations mentioned. Often in a committed relationship, you and I becomes a constant blah blah of we we we and us us us. “We think …” “That’s what so great about us.” When people go on and on about their relationship life to a point where it becomes the main topic of every conversation, others will get the impression that there isn’t much else going on in their life. Imagine applying for a job and the only thing you can think of, as hobbies are relationship activities such as: taking long walks, talking all night about your dreams and hopes, and kissing. Do you think someone will want to hire a person who gained minimum personal experience and spends all the rest of his or her time tending to a relationship?

You know that typical story of the young teenager who becomes pregnant in high school? Let’s take a closer look at the behaviour occurring in this situation to understand. In this case, the girl will keep the baby. For now we will name the pregnant girl Jane. Jane used to be a careless creative soul, an experimenting artist who has so much potential to grow and flourish if she made the effort. When the baby finally arrives, she puts all her attention to the baby. Her grades will lower, her friends will stop inviting her eventually to hang out because she never has the time or wants to, and her family has to deal with the negative emotions from the exhaustion of the baby. Now she has failed too many classes and is kicked out from school. She finds a job to fix the economic problem with minimum requirements and minimum wages. She is now a slave for money, and focused on providing for the baby. Is Jane still Jane?

From the outside it is still Jane, but if you take a look at how much she has lost of her individuality through the process of having the baby, you wonder why? Of course, a baby is a very different situation than a relationship, but you should try to not lose yourself when you encounter either. If you meet a person and fall in love with them as they are, why would you try to change all that you fell for? Then you are probably either chasing extremely high expectations (which let’s face it, women have a tendency to create) or you are with the wrong person.

There is usually a certain spark in a person’s eye that you will notice, especially if you are in love with them. The sparkle in their eye is the passionate fire they hold for life. If early in a relationship you spend an extreme amount of time together, this spark may sizzle. Don’t worry; this does not suggest that the passion for life is subsided. Often this is the time they shall take their space or should.

When they do one of the first two reasons of taking space and are given some time, they will return with a strong spark again and a big smile on their face. How will he appreciate you more; if you are always by his side attending to his every need so that his days all blur or if you are sometimes not there so he has to miss you and is lucky enough to get you to make some extra effort occasionally.

Embrace the space! Eventually you may want to take time for yourself so that you can see your friends and go work on your passions like for example if you want to learn salsa and your boyfriend looks like he is having a seizure while dancing and has no interest, why don’t you just join a class for yourself or with a friend?

Each individual should be able to be by himself or herself, regardless of whether they are or they aren’t. To be able to be by yourself, there is a certain amount of individuality needed to avoid becoming dependant on other individuals to fill the gaps. Do you want to be easily influenced by those around you? Your friends and acquaintances will notice this behaviour rather quickly as you will take up their opinions as your own opinion.

The conclusion they will draw: this person cannot even decide for himself or herself how to think! Do you want this to be the impression people have of you? An impressionable individual unable to form a simple opinion; this is after all called a sheep. Sheep like to follow one another without knowing which direction they are going. Being a sheep is easy. You can never fail if you don’t try, right? Wrong! What would that last minute before your soul leaves your body would be full of? Probably all the things you didn’t get to do. Look at all the things you have done, and most likely the things you wanted to do but were worried you would regret: those are the ones that stick eternally in your memory and the times you regret are those chances you were too afraid to take.

Regardless of your age, do you want to improve your dating odds? Do you want to look at the methods to improve yourself and improve your dating chances? Have a look at my articles below:

Improve yourself